What would Brian Carpenter Say?

A man goes into a hardware store and asks for a case of bolts.
The salesman brings out a large case on a cart. The salesman says: If you don't mind my asking, why do you need so many bolts? The man replies: All the bolts that hold my house together and to the foundation have rusted through. I need to replace all of them.
And what would Brian Carpenter say?

I once considered running for political office on the Contrarian Party ticket, but I would have run unopposed and I was against that.

Deck the halls with Salvador Dali
Da-Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da!
Twirl your mustache lubed with Moly
Da da da da da da da da da!
Don we now our melting watches.
Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da
While we quoff a few more scotches.
Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da.

See the amazing Man Ray bore us.
Da-Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da!
Strike the egg and join the taurus.
Da da da da da da da da da!
Follow me in merry paranoia.
Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da
While I sing of Inigo Montoya.
Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da.

Fast away the modern passes.
Da-Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da!
Hail the old ye cads and classes
Da da da da da da da da da!
Let my enemies devour each other.
Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da
Heedless of the time and culture.
Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da.